A New Man In My Life

Not of the two legged variety though, he has four legs a tail, claws and purrs!

He came with the name Ceefor, my daughter and I would prefer to call him Aston, but he doesn’t seem to answer to much apart from strokes!  And at this precise moment is quite put out that I’m not paying him any attention. Though he seems to have discovered his food bowl, by the sounds coming from the kitchen. So like all men really….attention seeking and wanting a full stomach….I love it!

We didn’t even mean to get him, we have been thinking about it for a while and I had said only friday that I#d look into what goes in to adopting a rescue cat this week.  Then in my local paper I noticed there was a re-homing day on at a local cattery on Saturday, so off we trotted.  Ceefor/Aston was the first cat they showed us,  a 10-year-old tabby, and he took to my daughter straight away, which is saying something as she is a scary child sometimes.  She  gets a bit over excited around animals….god knows why though.  Any way we looked at a couple of others, one, a gorgeous little black and white one year old who also seemed ok with my daughter, but my heart had already fallen for the old boy.

So after filling out forms and having a home check and the previously mentioned trip to the pet shop we were all ready to go. All a bit of a surprise really. but it was a long weekend without Lizzie and waiting for Aston.  But picking him up today was great, just watching him explore his new home and he seems to have found his spot on the sofa already.

I know he will keep me better company than any other male, and as independent as cats can be he  is an old boy so all he wants is to eat and sleep and be petted lots.

Something for Me

A couple of my friends have noticed I’ve been very down lately and they believe it is due to T, not giving me what I need or want. I think thet’re probably right, but whatever their views on him they all seem to be saying I need to do something for me that is nothing to do with him. So I took my daughter out this morning and we adopted a cat! We have wanted a cat for sometime, but the time has never really seemed to be right.  In the paper yesterday I noticed a homing show was on today and thought we’d go along and get an idea of what was involved….so with my bank balance £55 lighter (thanks to Pets At Home) and soon to be £60 lighter for the adoption fee, we will be collecting Ceefor on Tuesday.

Ceefor….an odd name for a cat, my step brother helpfully said ‘C for Cat’, bless….. The lovely people at the adoption centre were thrilled he’s going to a home as he’s 10, most cats of his age struggle to find a home, but he passed the scary child…I mean my wonderful daughter test, so all should be good.  In fact I can hardly wait.  I sounds kind of selfish, but having a bit of cat company on the nights my daughter is at her dads will be lovely.

Ceefor will not solve all my problems I know, but he will help I am sure.

 

Bloody Technology

If it wasn’t for smart phones of one sort or another I’m sure I wouldn’t be where I am right now.

I have the fruity one and it’s great, don’t get me wrong, but I can’t help but feel that if it wasn’t so easy and cheap to communicate via these things then I would ne in a different place.

This could be one of several places admittedly. I could still be with my ex-husband, I could have met a new man in real life, or due to the lack of possible electronic communication I may actually be with T.

But it seems T is taking it more and more for granted that he can just pick up his fruity phone and send me a message whenever he feels like it, safe in the knowledge that I will answer pretty rapidly. I’d really love to go back to the days of waiting for a letter in the post. It would be so much more exciting and I’m sure he (and I) would have made much more effort to see each other face to face. (in person I mean, not via Skype!) We’d say so much more.

So we are having an argument this morning, I guess I started it, but he doesn’t help himself by behaving totally out of character which leads me to add 2 and 2 and get 5.  I’m trying to sort it out now, without apologising as I don’t think I have anything to apologise for.  T is a workaholic and I knew this right from the start, so although it keeps us apart I do understand.  The reason for the argument might seem petty to most, but basically it boils down to the fact he has got up a lot later than usual two mornings in a row and went to the Cinema last night with work colleagues (albeit in a different language due to him being abroad), and I got a ‘Good morning babe’ this morning, this probably sounds daft to you, but he hasn’t said ‘good’ with ‘morning’ for a very long time.  So what am I supposed to think?  After all I am his mistress here in the UK, why shouldn’t he have one elsewhere? So I’ve been accused of not trusting him, which I think he has every right to say, but he seems incapable of seeing it from my point of view.

We’ll make up, we always do, neither of us seems capable of not talking to the other (electronically) for longer than a couple of hours.  And we do need each other.

My advice: Don’t fall in love with a married, depressed workaholic.

Dear Diary….

This is becoming less of a blog and more of a public diary….but then perhaps that’s what a blog is. Only having spent a bit more time reading other peoples blogs they seem much more focussed on one subject, whereas mine tend to ramble from home to work to kids to romance to sex…. and all things in-between.

This week as I have said hasn’t been the best for seeing T, things seem to be conspiring against us. So I was a bit petty yesterday and just couldn’t be bothered to talk to him, I can only assume I couldn’t go away with him last night as he had to work as soon as he arrived, but it turned out not to be as late as usual. So minimal messaging, which is unlike us, and due to the time difference he went to bed an hour earlier than me, this is highly unusual, as even then he’s normally up working late. So I sent him a message saying I was struggling with the situation and that I need him to give me some answers as to where he saw this going. So I haven’t had any answers….yet…….and messages today have been stilted to say the least. So to break the ice I just told him that I needed things to be right between us again and it kind of worked….I hope…

I am child free this thursday and since his family are away this week I thought I’d try to drop that into the half conversation we are kind of having right now as he normally flies back thursday night….but what have I just been told…yep…he’s now there till friday…

We just never get a break.

Huff and Puff

IMG01456-20120801-1049I’ll talk about the good bit first. Did a fabulous 25 mile ride today, weather was really great, came into a patch of fog and the temperature must have dropped 10 degrees! But a lovely home stretch along the seafront. It’s really lovely to see so many people out, walking, cycling, scooting, rollerblading etc and enjoying the slightly better weather. My town’s seafront is really rather pleasant, well stretches of it are. So I’m very pleased with myself. The charity ride is only 3 times that distance….

And now for the not so good bit. It’s half term, so my daughter is with her dad till Tuesday evening and T has not been able to find time for me. I know I should be used to this by now, but the prospect of another two and a half days on my own is a little depressing. T’s wife and kids were due to go away for the week from today so he thought he’d get tonight with me. I never took this for granted as our plans often change at the last minute. I didn’t even realise that was his reason for coming tonight. He has stayed the occasional Sunday night before, essentially leaving for work a day early. And since his flights home this week were delayed by two nights I assumed he would rather spend the time with his kids anyway. I did hope he might ask me to fly out with him this week but apparently that isn’t possible, though he hasn’t given a reason…..

Please don’t judge me harshly, I’m very aware that I am a mistress to a married man, but we have been seeing each other for two years now and it has become much more than lovers. His marriage had broken down before he met me but for reasons we haven’t discussed yet he seems incapable of leaving her. This I do need to address at some point soon…..

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Valentines….What Else??

I got roses…..in a box……..

Better than nothing I know. But they’re red, and again I can imagine you saying ‘So? That’s traditional’. Well we are not traditional, not in the slightest, and T knows I don’t ‘do’ red roses, he has always sent me white, so when I sent a message to say thanks he was really pissed off because his order was wrong. I am pleased he remembered I prefer white, but to be honest I was more pleased he’d actually made the effort!  He does like things to be exactly as expected.  And the reason I don’t ‘do’ red roses is they made up the majority of my bouquet when I got married (which I am now not).

We had a bit of a minor falling out the other day and have since kind of made up.  I am trying to send him more messages as he was feeling that I only ever replied to anything he sent and did not send anything randomly like I used to do.  I think I changed the way I messaged as I felt I was interrupting him working and spent ages waiting for a reply, and I’m somewhat impatient so not very good with that bit.  So apparently he lives for the messages I send so for the last two days he has been inundated with random things, but he doesn’t seem to be fed up yet so I guess I’m on the right track….

Now all I need to do is to get him to give me some answers……

He is stuck abroad at the moment as the airport staff are on strike.  He was due back tonight, then tomorrow and now he has no idea.  He had a huge argument with his wife about not getting back, it’s hardly his fault, but he gets so much crap for working away anyway it just compounded it.  I see it that he works bloody hard to provide a good life for his family.  He is a workaholic, and lives to work, rather than works to live, but I am slowly making him see it needs to be the latter rather than the former.   I hope he can get home this weekend as his kids need to see him.  And me…..maybe…..if I’m lucky…..but I’m not holding my breath.

 

Leaving?

Weird weekend turned out to be ok on Sunday…..eventually.

The training ride was a bit of a bust, I got totally left behind and ended up taking a short cut back. I can do the distance but not at the speed that was set. I feel that sometimes the more experienced cyclists forget that we don’t all ride at 20 miles an hour!

So after getting over that, then working my way through the housework T arrived just before 5, with champagne and roses…..not bad, even if they did come from Tesco’s! Essentially we were celebrating our two-year anniversary. We chatted, did some sexy stuff and had dinner then snuggled on the sofa watching telly. All absolutely lovely. And that is what I miss, I never really had it with my ex-husband, but did begin to get used to it with T when we first got together.

Now bed is another matter….no more sexy stuff which I have to say left me feeling a little unsatisfied, especially as he likes to curl round me as we fall asleep, but having this gorgeous naked man wrapped around me is incredibly distracting….I find it hard to sleep that way so only doze and never feel very rested the following morning. And because he had to be up early and in London by 7.30 there was no sexy stuff in the morning either. Now don’t get me wrong I don’t need to have sex constantly, but our time to gether is so rare and I find him so incredibly sexy I do want to make the most of the time.

All in all ,as lovely as it as having him for that brief time, it just isn’t enough…..and last night and today I’m still feeling very flat. I just can’t put my finger on the problem. I did have a nice chat with a work colleague this morning who was great, and as most people have said to me, she thinks i need to ask him what is going to happen. I know I need to, but it is such a hard question to ask, I don’t want to spoil any of our limited time together, but for my own sanity I need to know.

I think the main question is: Will he ever leave his wife and family? If he doesn’t intend to then he needs to tell me so I can then decide if I can continue as we are of if I do need more.

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