Has Spring Sprung?

It’s a beautiful morning out there, and can’t wait to get out on my bike. Its days like this when my job is truly great, getting out in the sunshine and getting kids out on their bikes in the sunshine!

It was a good day, I got good feedback about the job I’m currently running in a school, which is always good to hear, and definitely helps. The kids were receptive and really enjoyed themselves. And last night I heard through the grapevine that all the work I’m doing on various projects has not gone unnoticed. I’m reading between the lines here, but I think that is a good thing.

Work going so well is a definite bonus at the moment as T and I are still struggling to come to terms with the turn our relationship has taken. I think I, no, I know I upset him the other week when I pretty much accused him of having an affair……yes I know….pots, kettles and black…..
I hate the way it has been since then, too little proper conversation and the few words we have exchanged have been stilted to say the least. I know I’m probably repeating myself here, but it’s very hard to convey just how much he means to me and what a huge part of my life he is.

So on monday as he was on his flight and unable to answer I sent ‘If we both want to fix this then I think we need to find time to talk, but I don’t think snatched words between your meetings and whatever I’m doing will help‘. his reply: ‘Agreed‘. What the hell does that mean? Does he want to talk? Does he want to fix us? I had to take it as he did want to talk and fix us. Later on he asked me when i was working this week, which I assume was to find out when would be convenient for us to talk. He knows I have my daughter from Tuesday evenings through to Saturday so he will chat to me then on bbm but nothing too deep until she is in bed.

So this morning I tried following up from yesterday, by saying I missed our chats, all he said was ‘ditto‘. So later I said I was off to work but I was hoping we could chat soon, a kiss was my reply. So by now I’m feeling rather mixed and sent ‘I’m really hoping that it’s just not me that want to fix us‘.  He stated it wasn’t……. Now perhaps I was pushing my luck when I said we can talk any evening he wanted to…..but as usual he said work was stupidly busy at the moment….well duh!!! Think I’ve worked that much out!!!

So here I am hoping against hope he will find some time this evening, I really can’t go on like this much longer, it’s doing my head in.

I know I know, he is married, I am his mistress and I have no right to his time, but if you’ve been following my blog or read old posts you’ll know T is so much more than that to me. I am wondering if I should send him the link to this blog so he can read exactly how I’m feeling…..

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