I Shouldn’t Worry…..

Following on from this mornings very tired blog, I’m now blogging being very tired this evening. I came across this earlier: http://sleepyti.me/ and it recommends certain sleep patterns. Which is all very well, but it suggests I should aim to fall asleep at 10.15 or 11.45pm or 1.15 or 2.45am. 10.15pm is too early and 11.45pm is too late….perhaps I need to wake up at a different time….other than 12.30am, 2.30am. 5.30am etc…

I’m hoping to sleep better tonight, the pills aren’t making me feel so sick anymore, though I’m hoping they will just be a short-term thing. I really don’t like the idea of taking anti-depressants. I was prescribed them a couple of times during my marriage and I’m hoping that the need for them now is just temporary. T and I are kind of talking again, he is working stupidly hard apretty much 24/7 so that does make it hard. He hasn’t found time for our ‘chat’ either. Possibly due to work commitments or maybe just avoiding it, who knows? My money worries are unlikely to go away any time soon. On the quiz show Pointless two guys won the jackpot of £24,750, my daughter asked where they lived so we could mug them……I hate that my worries are rubbing off onto her, it seems so unfair to make an almost teen be worrying about money. But then again it is good that she realises my purse is not bottomless. And as for Aston, well we have worked out that if we make him play about half eight for a while he tends to sleep a little better!!

Life will get better….it has to…..I have to believe that.

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Sleep, Sleep, Wherefore art thou Sleep?

Sleep is eluding me at the moment.  For the last couple of weeks I haven’t slept properly at all, although sometimes it can take me a while to get to sleep, I usually sleep a good 7 -8 hours.

I think it comes down to several colliding factors.  My relationship struggles with T, Aston (my new cat) still settling in, money worries (who doesn’t have those) and the new anti-depressants my doctor has prescribed me.

I just want to sleep.

I just want to be able to stay asleep.

My job is a pretty physical one so my body feels tired at the end of the day, but my brain seems incapable of switching off.  I just don’t know what to do next….

Has Spring Sprung?

It’s a beautiful morning out there, and can’t wait to get out on my bike. Its days like this when my job is truly great, getting out in the sunshine and getting kids out on their bikes in the sunshine!

It was a good day, I got good feedback about the job I’m currently running in a school, which is always good to hear, and definitely helps. The kids were receptive and really enjoyed themselves. And last night I heard through the grapevine that all the work I’m doing on various projects has not gone unnoticed. I’m reading between the lines here, but I think that is a good thing.

Work going so well is a definite bonus at the moment as T and I are still struggling to come to terms with the turn our relationship has taken. I think I, no, I know I upset him the other week when I pretty much accused him of having an affair……yes I know….pots, kettles and black…..
I hate the way it has been since then, too little proper conversation and the few words we have exchanged have been stilted to say the least. I know I’m probably repeating myself here, but it’s very hard to convey just how much he means to me and what a huge part of my life he is.

So on monday as he was on his flight and unable to answer I sent ‘If we both want to fix this then I think we need to find time to talk, but I don’t think snatched words between your meetings and whatever I’m doing will help‘. his reply: ‘Agreed‘. What the hell does that mean? Does he want to talk? Does he want to fix us? I had to take it as he did want to talk and fix us. Later on he asked me when i was working this week, which I assume was to find out when would be convenient for us to talk. He knows I have my daughter from Tuesday evenings through to Saturday so he will chat to me then on bbm but nothing too deep until she is in bed.

So this morning I tried following up from yesterday, by saying I missed our chats, all he said was ‘ditto‘. So later I said I was off to work but I was hoping we could chat soon, a kiss was my reply. So by now I’m feeling rather mixed and sent ‘I’m really hoping that it’s just not me that want to fix us‘.  He stated it wasn’t……. Now perhaps I was pushing my luck when I said we can talk any evening he wanted to…..but as usual he said work was stupidly busy at the moment….well duh!!! Think I’ve worked that much out!!!

So here I am hoping against hope he will find some time this evening, I really can’t go on like this much longer, it’s doing my head in.

I know I know, he is married, I am his mistress and I have no right to his time, but if you’ve been following my blog or read old posts you’ll know T is so much more than that to me. I am wondering if I should send him the link to this blog so he can read exactly how I’m feeling…..

Mapping My Rides

Planning 30 mile plus routes around where I live is easier said than done! I need to build up those miles as it’s only 3 weeks till the 75 mile charity ride. I have built up a lovely little group to ride with on the weekends that there are no official training rides being run, and we all come up with routes, some of which are more practical than others, mostly due to one of our number being incredibly unlucky when it comes to punctures. So between us we’ve come up with two remarkably similar routes, but it does take us right out into the countryside but with no support vehicles it’s a long walk home! So I’ve come up with a route that zig zags across town.

I have tried various different ways of planning routes: Cycling Buddy – http://www.cyclingbuddy.com/ Google Maps, and Map My Ride – http://www.mapmyride.com

Google Maps is ok, but hard to assess as a cyclist, Map My Ride was awful, made no sense and kept clicking on to a route that wasn’t the one I wanted, just a more direct one, then one of my cycling buddies pointed me in the direction of Cycling Buddy, much more user friendly! It saves your routes and also shows you other people’s routes and distances they cover along with maps. The only trouble I had was printing the map out so it was readable, and that is more than likely down to my lack of computer skills.

So we are all hoping for slightly warmer weather tomorrow…..

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