Thoughts on Dating Websites…..

There are a huge variety of dating sites out there, they seem to cater for any kind of person you may fancy. There are the main stream ones like Plenty Of Fish, Match.com and e-harmony, then somewhat less mainstream ones, these include ‘sex sites’. It is through one of these (primarily aimed at married people) that I met T.  As I have said in earlier posts though, we were looking for company of the opposite sex but it developed in to something more. I’m not going to talk about him today though.

It seems different people have very differing views on how these sites work. I have a very good single female friend who is just over 40 and she has tried most of the well known dating sites over the last couple of years. She hasn’t had much luck (she is incredibly picky) but that has led her to think that men have it so easy and can have their pick of women. On the other hand I have a male friend who tends to use the sex sites more, and in his experience and the extensive research he has done, the women vastly outweigh the men and so the women get to have their pick of the men.

In my limited experience men do seem to be out for one thing only no matter what site they’re using.  It does send out mixed messages as I’m sure there are men out there looking for a genuine new relationship and not just a one night stand, but they get lumped in with all the guys looking for a one night stand.  And on the other side of the coin there are women out there who are looking for nothing more than sex, and then can’t understand why men won’t give them more.

All of these sites are becoming more and more commonplace and less stigma is attached to using them, but people need to be much more honest about what they’re looking for so real matches and new relationships can be formed.  And me?  If T and I do call it a day what will I do?  I would really like to think that I could meet someone in real life….

Bloody Technology

If it wasn’t for smart phones of one sort or another I’m sure I wouldn’t be where I am right now.

I have the fruity one and it’s great, don’t get me wrong, but I can’t help but feel that if it wasn’t so easy and cheap to communicate via these things then I would ne in a different place.

This could be one of several places admittedly. I could still be with my ex-husband, I could have met a new man in real life, or due to the lack of possible electronic communication I may actually be with T.

But it seems T is taking it more and more for granted that he can just pick up his fruity phone and send me a message whenever he feels like it, safe in the knowledge that I will answer pretty rapidly. I’d really love to go back to the days of waiting for a letter in the post. It would be so much more exciting and I’m sure he (and I) would have made much more effort to see each other face to face. (in person I mean, not via Skype!) We’d say so much more.

So we are having an argument this morning, I guess I started it, but he doesn’t help himself by behaving totally out of character which leads me to add 2 and 2 and get 5.  I’m trying to sort it out now, without apologising as I don’t think I have anything to apologise for.  T is a workaholic and I knew this right from the start, so although it keeps us apart I do understand.  The reason for the argument might seem petty to most, but basically it boils down to the fact he has got up a lot later than usual two mornings in a row and went to the Cinema last night with work colleagues (albeit in a different language due to him being abroad), and I got a ‘Good morning babe’ this morning, this probably sounds daft to you, but he hasn’t said ‘good’ with ‘morning’ for a very long time.  So what am I supposed to think?  After all I am his mistress here in the UK, why shouldn’t he have one elsewhere? So I’ve been accused of not trusting him, which I think he has every right to say, but he seems incapable of seeing it from my point of view.

We’ll make up, we always do, neither of us seems capable of not talking to the other (electronically) for longer than a couple of hours.  And we do need each other.

My advice: Don’t fall in love with a married, depressed workaholic.

Leaving?

Weird weekend turned out to be ok on Sunday…..eventually.

The training ride was a bit of a bust, I got totally left behind and ended up taking a short cut back. I can do the distance but not at the speed that was set. I feel that sometimes the more experienced cyclists forget that we don’t all ride at 20 miles an hour!

So after getting over that, then working my way through the housework T arrived just before 5, with champagne and roses…..not bad, even if they did come from Tesco’s! Essentially we were celebrating our two-year anniversary. We chatted, did some sexy stuff and had dinner then snuggled on the sofa watching telly. All absolutely lovely. And that is what I miss, I never really had it with my ex-husband, but did begin to get used to it with T when we first got together.

Now bed is another matter….no more sexy stuff which I have to say left me feeling a little unsatisfied, especially as he likes to curl round me as we fall asleep, but having this gorgeous naked man wrapped around me is incredibly distracting….I find it hard to sleep that way so only doze and never feel very rested the following morning. And because he had to be up early and in London by 7.30 there was no sexy stuff in the morning either. Now don’t get me wrong I don’t need to have sex constantly, but our time to gether is so rare and I find him so incredibly sexy I do want to make the most of the time.

All in all ,as lovely as it as having him for that brief time, it just isn’t enough…..and last night and today I’m still feeling very flat. I just can’t put my finger on the problem. I did have a nice chat with a work colleague this morning who was great, and as most people have said to me, she thinks i need to ask him what is going to happen. I know I need to, but it is such a hard question to ask, I don’t want to spoil any of our limited time together, but for my own sanity I need to know.

I think the main question is: Will he ever leave his wife and family? If he doesn’t intend to then he needs to tell me so I can then decide if I can continue as we are of if I do need more.

Weird Weekend

So T and I got over our hiccup the other day. It’s getting harder and harder each time one of us has a ‘wobble’.  I think we got over it this time as we are actually seeing each other tomorrow, and he is staying the night. I feel that had we not had that occasion coming up then things would have only got more strained.

He had his kid’s birthday party this morning and sent me some lovely pictures of his kids at the play centre they went to. I feel I know them so well as we spend a lot of time talking about our children. I just wonder if I will ever get to meet them. I am fully prepared in my mind to be their stepmother.

Life just seems to be dealing me a low blow at the moment. I am struggling to get my thoughts in any kind of order where T is concerned. He sent me a message a while ago to say that some friends of his wife had turned up unannounced, now to me that doesn’t seem such an unusual thing on a Saturday night, and it must happen from time to time. So for now he is being sociable and not enjoying any of it.

I, on the other hand am being anti social, my daughter has gone to her dads for the rest of the weekend now, the reason being is I am training tomorrow morning for the charity bike ride I am doing in March.  It would be a far to early start for her and my ex otherwise.  So my daughter is at her dads, T is being sociable, my friends seem to be elsewhere so I’m feeling kind of lost.

Oh and the best thing is my BT Vision box is playing up so I’m not getting all the channels I should be despite re-tuning it several times….feel like giving up and just going to bed!!!

 

One Way Or Another

I think it’s time I told you about my love life….or what seems to constitute as one.

Please don’t judge me but T is a married man. This of course makes life very complicated. We have been seeing each other for nearly two years, so before I left my now ex-husband. It started, for both of us as a mutual need for company of the other sex. Neither of us was getting what we needed at home. I was on the verge of leaving my husband anyway, but seeing how other men could be, made that decision easier. I didn’t leave my husband for T and when I did, I made it clear that I wouldn’t be asking him to leave his wife and family. We fell in love….

It was never the idea, but it happened. We have always been sexually attracted to each other and it didn’t take long before we found we were very much on the same wavelength about most things. Now T is a workaholic and works away from home a lot. At the beginning this was great as we spent a night a week together when my daughter was with her father. But the last year his work changed and he has been working away a lot. I have managed to spend some time with him despite this but it has been hard.

Our main form of communication is via bbm, we message all day everyday, and I think sometimes that this is just too much, but when I don’t hear from him I begin to worry. This brings me round to what I wanted to say today. Last night he flew in from his latest trip (he is away monday to thursday routinely) and after driving home he sent me a message to say so, as normal. I was shattered last night and falling asleep on the sofa.  Now. we are in a routine of wishing each other a good night and other lovey things before going to sleep, but last night I didn’t. I don’t know why I didn’t, it could be he wasn’t talking as much as usual so I didn’t bother, or I was so tired i just couldn’t think about it…..I don’t know. So this morning I woke to a whole load of messages saying how worried he was about me. I apologised, I did feel bad, but it’s not like he has never done the same to me!  So today has been hard, I want to talk to him, I know he is working, but his messages have been minimal at best….so for now I give up. If he wants to talk I guess he will.

I will make sure I wish him good night tonight, I can’t face another day like today. We have always had our ups and downs like any couple, but I just feel that things are coming to a head…..one way or another………

Worth Waiting For?

I know, I know, it’s been a few days, but I seem to be very busy this week, with work and also desperately trying to get this damned patchwork quilt finished for my daughter.

It’s always the same, I start these projects full of gusto and get the first lot done in record time.  The trouble is my enthusiasm begins to wane very quickly these days.  I think that is why I haven’t started any other of the several sewing projects I have waiting for me.  I want it done, but done in a day or two.  My attention span just can’t seem to last any longer.  I’m not sure if it’s because I know that I can often start a project I have the fabric for already but I can’t finish as I can’t afford all the little bits that make the garment complete.  Or if it is because I am just so caught up in this ‘new’, ‘instant’ world, where everything is right here, right now and completely immediate.

Is anything worth waiting for any more?

Actually there is one thing in my life that is……..but that is another story……

Could this be more interesting?

I really think I need to look into making my blog  little more interesting, perhaps with pictures and web links.  The trouble is, this blog is mostly anonymous and most of the links I would post would not only give away where I live but also what I do.  I’m going to have to think about that a bit more.  In the meantime I will try to add some pictures  when I find relevant ones.  All feedback and comments are most welcome.

To a certain extent I find writing my thoughts a good way of letting out all the things I can’t in other ways.  My daughter has even taken to asking if I’ve written my blog that day. 

It’s been a good week all in all, work was challenging but fun, and that’s the way I like it.  It’s certainly never boring that is for sure.  The patchwork quilt I’m making for my daughter is coming along lovely now and I’m hoping to have it finished this weekend so I will post a picture when it is completed.

I may even have broken through a barrier with my on/off lover…….

Oh but I haven’t told you the funniest thing that happened, so M is my single parent friend and she is on and off POF (Plenty of Fish) the dating site and she because she wants to show me the guys she’s chatting to I set up an account, purely for this purpose.  Now yesterday I was at a bit of a loose end so I thought I’d have a look on it, I hadn’t received any messages which wasn’t a surprise as I have no photo on there, but I had been ‘viewed’ buy four guys……one of whom just happens to be my ex-husband……….

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