Talking Again

T and I are talking again after a few weeks of absolute minimal contact.  Saturday morning we tenuously started messaging, I think we both desperately wanted to talk again and have that much needed contact and company, but it took a couple of hours of stilted conversation before we pretty much got back to how we used to be. We both said how much we had missed talking and lots of apologising on both sides. I didn’t want to give him an easy ride as it was both of our faults for the lack of messaging. I said that I was beginning to feel like we were drifting apart so far that it would become irretrievable, he replied that he couldn’t bear that, which was less than I was hoping for but at least it was some kind of acknowledgement that he still wanted me.

So I have no idea what he has been doing for the last couple of weeks and we are trying to catch up.  He told me he is thinking of selling his high performance car as he hardly uses it now and it costs a lot of money to insure and run.  It seem like such a shame to me as he loves his car and it is his guilty pleasure, well he was left a considerable sum of money in a will and was instructed not to spend it on anything sensible.  He isn’t short of money by any means so I’m sure he can afford to keep it if he really wants to.  So this leads me to wonder why he would sell it, I’m probably over thinking things again (as usual).

I told him a couple of weeks ago that I had been given stronger antidepressants and he commented at the time that it was his fault I needed them, and to a certain extent he is right, but other pressures are contributing to the need too.  I had to go back to the doctors today to check how I was getting on, now M thinks I need counselling, and perhaps I do, but my doctor feels that because I am generally a bit happier and love going to work and not in need of time off (it would send me spiraling downwards if I didn’t work) and also I’ve no intention of self harming that taking antidepressants is enough for now.  Again T had a panic and it took some time to reassure him that I am ok!  He worries when I tell him stuff and he worries when I dont….I can’t win either way….but it is nice to be worried about….

 

 

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I Shouldn’t Worry…..

Following on from this mornings very tired blog, I’m now blogging being very tired this evening. I came across this earlier: http://sleepyti.me/ and it recommends certain sleep patterns. Which is all very well, but it suggests I should aim to fall asleep at 10.15 or 11.45pm or 1.15 or 2.45am. 10.15pm is too early and 11.45pm is too late….perhaps I need to wake up at a different time….other than 12.30am, 2.30am. 5.30am etc…

I’m hoping to sleep better tonight, the pills aren’t making me feel so sick anymore, though I’m hoping they will just be a short-term thing. I really don’t like the idea of taking anti-depressants. I was prescribed them a couple of times during my marriage and I’m hoping that the need for them now is just temporary. T and I are kind of talking again, he is working stupidly hard apretty much 24/7 so that does make it hard. He hasn’t found time for our ‘chat’ either. Possibly due to work commitments or maybe just avoiding it, who knows? My money worries are unlikely to go away any time soon. On the quiz show Pointless two guys won the jackpot of £24,750, my daughter asked where they lived so we could mug them……I hate that my worries are rubbing off onto her, it seems so unfair to make an almost teen be worrying about money. But then again it is good that she realises my purse is not bottomless. And as for Aston, well we have worked out that if we make him play about half eight for a while he tends to sleep a little better!!

Life will get better….it has to…..I have to believe that.