Thoughts on Dating Websites…..

There are a huge variety of dating sites out there, they seem to cater for any kind of person you may fancy. There are the main stream ones like Plenty Of Fish, Match.com and e-harmony, then somewhat less mainstream ones, these include ‘sex sites’. It is through one of these (primarily aimed at married people) that I met T.  As I have said in earlier posts though, we were looking for company of the opposite sex but it developed in to something more. I’m not going to talk about him today though.

It seems different people have very differing views on how these sites work. I have a very good single female friend who is just over 40 and she has tried most of the well known dating sites over the last couple of years. She hasn’t had much luck (she is incredibly picky) but that has led her to think that men have it so easy and can have their pick of women. On the other hand I have a male friend who tends to use the sex sites more, and in his experience and the extensive research he has done, the women vastly outweigh the men and so the women get to have their pick of the men.

In my limited experience men do seem to be out for one thing only no matter what site they’re using.  It does send out mixed messages as I’m sure there are men out there looking for a genuine new relationship and not just a one night stand, but they get lumped in with all the guys looking for a one night stand.  And on the other side of the coin there are women out there who are looking for nothing more than sex, and then can’t understand why men won’t give them more.

All of these sites are becoming more and more commonplace and less stigma is attached to using them, but people need to be much more honest about what they’re looking for so real matches and new relationships can be formed.  And me?  If T and I do call it a day what will I do?  I would really like to think that I could meet someone in real life….

T is an Arse

So my best friend A said the other day, and that pretty much sums it up.

He flew home today, to the UK and his family that is, not me. He’s been away for the best part of two weeks because work had got critical or something. So we’ve hardly spoken at all during this time and for some weeks previously too. This evening he decided to ask me how work was going and I know he was trying to start a conversation, but all I could give was simple replies. I feel mean, but I’ve got out of the habit of constantly messaging him and because we’ve spoken so little I just don’t know what to say anymore. It’s not that we don’t have conversation…..we have never run out of things to talk about, but I hope he’s coming to realise that we have other things we need to talk about. Though I get the feeling he is trying to avoid it by burying himself in work.

So I’m getting used to life without him constantly messaging me, and me him.  It’s not easy, I feel like I’m missing something, like my left arm.  He has been an enormous part of my life for the last two years and I don’t want to lose him, but unless he stops being an arse and sorts himself out he will lose me I fear.

Has Spring Sprung?

It’s a beautiful morning out there, and can’t wait to get out on my bike. Its days like this when my job is truly great, getting out in the sunshine and getting kids out on their bikes in the sunshine!

It was a good day, I got good feedback about the job I’m currently running in a school, which is always good to hear, and definitely helps. The kids were receptive and really enjoyed themselves. And last night I heard through the grapevine that all the work I’m doing on various projects has not gone unnoticed. I’m reading between the lines here, but I think that is a good thing.

Work going so well is a definite bonus at the moment as T and I are still struggling to come to terms with the turn our relationship has taken. I think I, no, I know I upset him the other week when I pretty much accused him of having an affair……yes I know….pots, kettles and black…..
I hate the way it has been since then, too little proper conversation and the few words we have exchanged have been stilted to say the least. I know I’m probably repeating myself here, but it’s very hard to convey just how much he means to me and what a huge part of my life he is.

So on monday as he was on his flight and unable to answer I sent ‘If we both want to fix this then I think we need to find time to talk, but I don’t think snatched words between your meetings and whatever I’m doing will help‘. his reply: ‘Agreed‘. What the hell does that mean? Does he want to talk? Does he want to fix us? I had to take it as he did want to talk and fix us. Later on he asked me when i was working this week, which I assume was to find out when would be convenient for us to talk. He knows I have my daughter from Tuesday evenings through to Saturday so he will chat to me then on bbm but nothing too deep until she is in bed.

So this morning I tried following up from yesterday, by saying I missed our chats, all he said was ‘ditto‘. So later I said I was off to work but I was hoping we could chat soon, a kiss was my reply. So by now I’m feeling rather mixed and sent ‘I’m really hoping that it’s just not me that want to fix us‘.  He stated it wasn’t……. Now perhaps I was pushing my luck when I said we can talk any evening he wanted to…..but as usual he said work was stupidly busy at the moment….well duh!!! Think I’ve worked that much out!!!

So here I am hoping against hope he will find some time this evening, I really can’t go on like this much longer, it’s doing my head in.

I know I know, he is married, I am his mistress and I have no right to his time, but if you’ve been following my blog or read old posts you’ll know T is so much more than that to me. I am wondering if I should send him the link to this blog so he can read exactly how I’m feeling…..

Valentines….What Else??

I got roses…..in a box……..

Better than nothing I know. But they’re red, and again I can imagine you saying ‘So? That’s traditional’. Well we are not traditional, not in the slightest, and T knows I don’t ‘do’ red roses, he has always sent me white, so when I sent a message to say thanks he was really pissed off because his order was wrong. I am pleased he remembered I prefer white, but to be honest I was more pleased he’d actually made the effort!  He does like things to be exactly as expected.  And the reason I don’t ‘do’ red roses is they made up the majority of my bouquet when I got married (which I am now not).

We had a bit of a minor falling out the other day and have since kind of made up.  I am trying to send him more messages as he was feeling that I only ever replied to anything he sent and did not send anything randomly like I used to do.  I think I changed the way I messaged as I felt I was interrupting him working and spent ages waiting for a reply, and I’m somewhat impatient so not very good with that bit.  So apparently he lives for the messages I send so for the last two days he has been inundated with random things, but he doesn’t seem to be fed up yet so I guess I’m on the right track….

Now all I need to do is to get him to give me some answers……

He is stuck abroad at the moment as the airport staff are on strike.  He was due back tonight, then tomorrow and now he has no idea.  He had a huge argument with his wife about not getting back, it’s hardly his fault, but he gets so much crap for working away anyway it just compounded it.  I see it that he works bloody hard to provide a good life for his family.  He is a workaholic, and lives to work, rather than works to live, but I am slowly making him see it needs to be the latter rather than the former.   I hope he can get home this weekend as his kids need to see him.  And me…..maybe…..if I’m lucky…..but I’m not holding my breath.